“So let us begin anew —- remembering on both sides
that civility is not a sign of weakness,
and sincerity is always subject to proof.”

~ John F. Kennedy

Civility is defined as ‘Formal politeness and courtesy in behavior or speech’.   Civil society, civic culture, and social capital are all important for strengthening democracy and enabling conflict resolution.

What is Social Capital?

While social capital is ” an instantiated informal norm that promotes cooperation between two or more individuals” (Francis Fukuyama) , it cannot in a community of diversity without a foundation in civility. Cultivating civility is an integral element of social capital because it fosters good relationship where ever you engage.

Through civility we behave altruistically,  extending courtesy to one another, creating trust.  The radius of trust is founded on consistency and quality of interpersonal exchange. Every point of engagement is an opportunity to demonstrate civility and more.

Part of our learning modules, RMI has a created a model of mindfulness we call ”The Diamond Rule’.

Respect

Honesty

Accountability

Boundaries

Responsibility

Trust

Reciprocality

Altruism

Unless enculturing civility becomes an initiative educationally, corporately and communally, there will little opportunity to grow trust amongst communities.

In his  book,  A World Waiting to be Born,  M. Scott Peck examines the concept of community by referring to his own philosophy and applying the ideas  to corporate backgrounds. The book explores  self-absorption  and the destructive aspects of materialism which have become part of our  behavioral norms. Peck  proposes a variety of philosophies to help address these challenges.

‘We human beings have often been referred to as social animals. But we are not yet community creatures. We are impelled to relate with each other for our survival. But we do not yet relate with the inclusivity, realism, self-awareness, vulnerability, commitment, openness, freedom, equality, and love of genuine community.’

M Scott Peck

Where is the road map and directions for navigating
the complexities of interpersonal relationships?

Literacy is more than acquiring a set of skills.  Literacy is the capability, confidence and competency we apply and evolve in a changing environment.

To use a common example.  We develop the skill  to understand spoken words at an early age. We develop literacy, the ability to understand and express complex ideas through language,  during our school years.

In the workplace, soft skills courses attempt to address aspects of our interactions with others.   Assertiveness, communication, negotiating, diversity,  team building and managing conflict,  are familiar course titles on offer. Each addresses an aspect of human interactions, however none address the subject comprehensively.

With regard to interpersonal relationships, hiding yourself away or being the strong silent type, is avoiding the issue.  Both psychology and neuroscience have established we are social creatures.  Relationships matter for our emotional well being.  Interpersonal difficulties tell us there is something we don’t understand, either about relationship dynamics, or ourselves.

“The three hardest things in life are diamonds, steel and knowing yourself.”
~ Benjamin Franklin

The first relationship to attend to is our relationship with ourselves.  Gaining self knowledge is an iterative process of better knowing our authentic self  and expressing that self to others.

When you interact with someone, realize that person is another you.  Shalom is a Hebrew  greeting meaning peace, completeness, and welfare . Aloha  means affection, love, peace, compassion and mercy.   These are things that we also wish for ourselves.  Interact with others with this in mind.

If your kindness and respect are not returned, perhaps the other person has not yet reached this level of understanding. From this perspective, we realize good interpersonal relationships are not about winning or getting our way every time.  It is about treating people how you would like to be treated.

Be a diamond, make the first move, be altruistic, engage with others in a respectful and courteous matter and expect the best from others.

Interpersonal soft skills are significant in their ability to build relationships forged on trust. Honest communication, mutual respect, even where there are differences of world view or personal opinion, integrity and ethical behaviour, contribute to underpinning the trust factor. Trust is required in constructing healthy communities and organisations, and when it upheld, has been seen to unleash creativity, engender empowerment, optimise teamwork. Fostering a culture of trust, therefore, rewards communities and organizations that hold true to the principles as a highly valuable intangible asset. Both Jack Welch and Warren Bennis maintain it as a key component to business succcess and yet few companies or institutions seem to manage in enfranchise trust sustainably because of a failure to transmit it as a cultural norm.

The characteristics of trustworthiness include integrity, reliability, fairness, caring, openness, reciprocality and, within appropriate caveats that does not transgress a core value set, loyalty. Organizations and institutional policies might promote a culture of trust by promoting open communication, by modeling behaving in socially responsible and ethical ways to every employee.

According to Charles Green, creator of the Trust Equation, ‘the way we use the Trust Creation Process model is really just outcomes of the principles we hold.’ What I understand Charles to impute, it that who we are and what values we hold to be true, informs how we engage and behave with others across the board.

Green maintains that the only way to become trusted is to act consistently from a set of core principles and the four specific principles governing trustworthy behavior that he cites are:

1) A focus on the Other (client, customer, internal co-worker, boss, partner, subordinate) for the Other’s sake, not just as a means to one’s own ends.

We often hear “client-focus,” or “customer-centric.” But these are terms all-too-often framed in terms of economic benefit to the person trying to be trusted.

2) A collaborative approach to relationships.

Collaboration here means a willingness to work together, creating both joint goals and joint approaches to getting there.

3) A medium to long term relationship perspective, not a short-term transactional focus.

Focus on relationships nurtures transactions; but focus on transactions chokes off relationships. The most profitable relationships for both parties are those where multiple transactions over time are assumed in the approach to each transaction.

4) A habit of being transparent in all one’s dealings.

Transparency has the great virtue of helping recall who said what to whom. It also increases credibility, and lowers self-orientation, by its willingness to keep no secrets.

According to Green, applying these principles to all of our actions will develop the fullest potential of trust that bonds and binds relationships, and thereby, builds longevity and reward born from such a strong tie.

As this erudite research on trust reveals, ‘Trust has several beneficial effects. It helps build teams, where trust acts as a bond of tying people together. It reduces energy otherwise required for controls. It helps in cases of conflict. Overall, it reduces task complexity.’

The benefits trust rewards us with professionally, socially and personally, are worthy of our time, attention and investment to explore, accomodate and demonstrate. Make no mistake. your ‘relationship capital’ is being accounted for with every interaction, so it is a wise person that conducts themselves with every meritricious endeavour of creating relationships bound and bonded in trust.

Going into business with friends has a very poor track record. Frequently, both are lost. It doesn’t have to be that way if you all conduct yourselves as if you were working with any business commitment. Moving from informal to formal is a skill that good relationships can accommodate when everyone understands that there are different rules and boundaries affecting the status of personal and professional interactions. Both states of engagement, formal and informal, can blend and even forge stronger ties when the ability to articulate, compromise and discuss ideas and options are adopted in a balanced and constructive way. These are skills that are powerful attributes for success in both social and professional settings which these are covered in one of our core training modules.

This is a short, sharp reminder that when working with friends in a business situation, move from the informal to the formal, create clear boundaries, commitments and psychological contracts that you would do elsewhere if you seek to succeed in business.

As Donald Trump says ‘ It’s not personal, it’s just business’.

I empathise with those who are finding the pressure to adapt to the digital environs an endless and ever demanding requirement to keep abreast of an accelerating world. Never has there been a time when forging Relationship Capital with peers, colleagues and associates has been more relevant or essential. In the current global climate we all need to understand we have to create a personal brand afforded by digital mediums. Building your relationship capital requires a consistency. Here is a checklist for you:

EARN RELATIONSHIP CAPITAL

* Never overlook an opportunity to make a contact.
* Offer help to everyone even when you’re not asked for it.
* Make sure every contact you make requires a follow-up action.
* Initiate communications. Don’t ask people to call you, be proactive.
* Try to talk about the contact, not about yourself. Learn what he or she wants.
* Always look for interconnections among people in your network.
* Make personal introductions between contacts with a common interest.
* Create Relationship Capital Interactions that benefit everyone involved.
* Always stay in the loop when there are more than two people involved in a networking interaction.
* Help build the Relationship Capital of others.
* Be known as an adherent of Relationship Capital Ethics.
* Grow your network continuously.
* Keep track of your networking activities.
* Network daily until you no longer need help from anyone for anything.
* Build Relationship Capital with every encounter.
* And, above all else, always remain visible to your network.

The world is changing more rapidly than we can accomodate and we have a personal obligation to do all that we can to optimise our professional visibility, whether we are currently employed or seeking work. I encourage everyone to take the following test and ensure you are fully up to speed:

The Path 101 Digital Candidate Quiz

1) Google your full name.  Give yourself 2 points for every link on the front page actually about you.

2) Give yourself 10 points for having a blog that you update regularly with something professional (not just pics of your trip to Cancun).

3) Give yourself 2 points for being on LinkedIn, another 5 points for having a profile over 85% complete.  If you have over 150 contacts, give yourself an additional 5 points, but 10 points if you’re over 500.

4) If you are on Twitter, go to your profile page.  Give yourself a point for every Tweet of any kind of professional value on the first page.  Give yourself another 2 points if you link to your blog or LinkedIn in your bio.

5) Check out your Facebook profile.  Give yourself 5 points if you have filled out your employment history.  Subtract 10 points if your profile picture might be deemed “ridiculous”.  Subtract a point for every incriminating thing a friend of yours writes on your wall.  Subtract 20 points altogether if your Facebook profile is public to people in your city or school network and would be seriously damaging to your chances of getting a job if someone looked at your photos.

6) Give yourself an additional 10 points for every niche professional site that you actively participate on that is relevent to your career (like a social network for graphic designers or a stock trading site for those interested in finance).