Human networks are often represented as objects  linked through relationships.

Our natural inclination is to focus on the qualities and value of the object – the person.

What do we know of the connections – our human  relationships.

How can we assess and improve the value and quality of our relationships?

By focusing on the  development of the individual the organization as a whole benefits.  The personal assets of the individual shape the collective collateral of the group.  People benefit both personally and communally from the soft skills they acquire for building  quality human relationships.

Each person’s attentiveness to their interactions has a cumulative effect.  This is an essential component for the development of a healthy culture from which  collective intelligence can emerge.

A social organization is the characteristic pattern of relationships within a group. Developing competencies in relationship building and engagement help us navigate the cultures we  participate in.

Communities where individuals show up as themselves, and genuinely like the people they engage with, are better able to adapt, evolve and  flourish in a changing environment.

A framework which supports the growth of human relationships includes the following:

Intrapersonal Development

The first relationship to consider is your relationship with yourself.    Who are you?   What do you value?  What are your competencies?   Self awareness  guides our  personal development, helping  us bring our best, authentic self to every interaction.

Interpersonal Relationships

The way we interact with others builds trust and connects us.  The quality of a relationship is determined by  each interaction.  It is important to understand interpersonal dynamics and the behaviors that grow strong social relationships.

Group Dynamics and Culture

The purpose and culture of a group, shapes the roles we take and our behavior within it.  As we engage in groups,  mindful of our roles and interactions, we are able to contribute effectively.  Collectively we  have a fertile environment for innovation, one that is productive and adaptive to change.

Collective Intelligence

We come together socially to do or  build something that we could not do on our own.  The many become one.  The end result is collective intelligence, a shared intelligence, that emerges from the  interaction of many individuals.

Physicist, David Bohm once said that society is based on shared meaning, which constitutes the culture. This shared meaning is the “glue” or the “cement” that holds society together. Shared meaning is necessary for society to function properly and for it to survive.

In his essay Dialogue and Coherence, William van den Heuvel describes Bohm’s ideas of the binding effect of sharing  common meanings and the challenge of achieving  shared menaing.

Through the media  we all get the same incomplete information and, therefore, we all come to the same distorted conclusions.  When communicating from person to person; is not only about what has happened but also why it happened. What are our beliefs, our opinions and  assumptions? What is important to you and what is important to me?

Understanding ourselves is the first step to better self expression.

Self-concept is the basis for intrapersonal communication, because it determines how a person sees themself and is oriented toward others. Self-concept (also called self-awareness) involves three factors: beliefs, values and attitudes. How they express that state is fundamental to building qualitative relationships.

When we know each other we are better able to understand each other.

Communication can be carried out by auditory means, such as speaking, singing, and sometimes tone of voice, and nonverbal, physical means, such as body language, sign language, paralanguage, touch, eye contact, or the use of writing. Whatever the medium, though, communication still means that one or more individuals are transferring information. The question becomes whether the information transmitted can be received and correctly interpreted.

• How you speak to people shapes how they view you and relate to you.
• The language you choose, the tone in which you express and the behaviour you adopt, all play a significant role in peoples perception of you.
• Your words, voice tone and inflection can elicit powerful emotions from others, without you realizing it.

We build relationships through our interactions.   How we choose to engage  in each and every interaction determines the quality of the relationship.   Be mindful of what you are saying, why you are saying it and how you are saying it.    Express yourself appropriately, constructively and concisely.

It matters.

” I’ve learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel”

Maya Angelou

When it comes to taking soft skills seriously is that most bosses think they are just about ‘touchy-feely’ people skills. Soft skills are powerful in creating great workplace environments, happier relationships and better communications. Encompassing listening, sharing with clarity, heightened awareness, both personal and communal, we raise the bar on being self motivated and professionally respected as a value to any team. In a world where getting, keeping and succeeding at work is imperative, anything we invest in that can make us irreplaceable has to be worth learning. Good leaders are forged from the fire of engagement at every level of the business rockface. Great CEO’s build on the strength of their people. The dot’s aren’t difficult to connect.

Among Peggy’s important workplace lessons are the following:

•Knowing yourself is as important as knowing how to do the job.
•Learn when to stick and when to shift or the details will hang you.
•Your procrastination is trying to tell you something.
•Get smart about asking dumb questions.
•You don’t need to be everyone’s best friend—that’s what dogs are for.
•Know where to draw the line between self-improvement and self-destruction.
•When it comes to gossip, learn the art of deflection.
•Keep your visibility when you’re not face-to-face.
•Don’t take it personally.
•Stop stereotypes from sinking you.
•You’re the boss, stupid, that’s why they hang on your every word.

And, perhaps, most favorite of all: Get out of your own way.

Peggy Klaus reveals The Hard Truth About Soft Skills: Workplace Lessons Smart People Wish They’d Learned Sooner (Collins, January 2008). Peggy is a world class communicator who understands why important soft core competencies are invariably ignored and reveals the fact that soft skills can be the key to enduring success.

Interpersonal soft skills are significant in their ability to build relationships forged on trust. Honest communication, mutual respect, even where there are differences of world view or personal opinion, integrity and ethical behaviour, contribute to underpinning the trust factor. Trust is required in constructing healthy communities and organisations, and when it upheld, has been seen to unleash creativity, engender empowerment, optimise teamwork. Fostering a culture of trust, therefore, rewards communities and organizations that hold true to the principles as a highly valuable intangible asset. Both Jack Welch and Warren Bennis maintain it as a key component to business succcess and yet few companies or institutions seem to manage in enfranchise trust sustainably because of a failure to transmit it as a cultural norm.

The characteristics of trustworthiness include integrity, reliability, fairness, caring, openness, reciprocality and, within appropriate caveats that does not transgress a core value set, loyalty. Organizations and institutional policies might promote a culture of trust by promoting open communication, by modeling behaving in socially responsible and ethical ways to every employee.

According to Charles Green, creator of the Trust Equation, ‘the way we use the Trust Creation Process model is really just outcomes of the principles we hold.’ What I understand Charles to impute, it that who we are and what values we hold to be true, informs how we engage and behave with others across the board.

Green maintains that the only way to become trusted is to act consistently from a set of core principles and the four specific principles governing trustworthy behavior that he cites are:

1) A focus on the Other (client, customer, internal co-worker, boss, partner, subordinate) for the Other’s sake, not just as a means to one’s own ends.

We often hear “client-focus,” or “customer-centric.” But these are terms all-too-often framed in terms of economic benefit to the person trying to be trusted.

2) A collaborative approach to relationships.

Collaboration here means a willingness to work together, creating both joint goals and joint approaches to getting there.

3) A medium to long term relationship perspective, not a short-term transactional focus.

Focus on relationships nurtures transactions; but focus on transactions chokes off relationships. The most profitable relationships for both parties are those where multiple transactions over time are assumed in the approach to each transaction.

4) A habit of being transparent in all one’s dealings.

Transparency has the great virtue of helping recall who said what to whom. It also increases credibility, and lowers self-orientation, by its willingness to keep no secrets.

According to Green, applying these principles to all of our actions will develop the fullest potential of trust that bonds and binds relationships, and thereby, builds longevity and reward born from such a strong tie.

As this erudite research on trust reveals, ‘Trust has several beneficial effects. It helps build teams, where trust acts as a bond of tying people together. It reduces energy otherwise required for controls. It helps in cases of conflict. Overall, it reduces task complexity.’

The benefits trust rewards us with professionally, socially and personally, are worthy of our time, attention and investment to explore, accomodate and demonstrate. Make no mistake. your ‘relationship capital’ is being accounted for with every interaction, so it is a wise person that conducts themselves with every meritricious endeavour of creating relationships bound and bonded in trust.

According to the Respect Research Group ‘Respect is an attitude of one human versus another, in which the first recognizes in the latter a reason which justifies in itself that the latter should be recognized and treated in a way so that the latter feels acknowledged in his/her value and significance. Respect stands for acceptance, appreciation and esteem and can make a corporate culture “bloom” not only, now, in the New Economy but also to sustain it far beyond it. It seems like companies with especially vigorous philosophies are particularly equipped to establish it as a value through their mission statements.’

Managers at all levels also play an essential role in this process, because for their employees, their attitudes, personal values and communication styles represent an embodiment of the company’s philosophy. The problem is however, that in modern companies forming and popularizing such value-oriented philosophies, often gives way to short-term oriented action plans, which bring quick financial results at the price of undermining the stability of inter-personal relationships in the company and hence threaten its long-term success. In this respect, the importance of corporate culture cannot be overlooked any more and it is more than ever before necessary for the establishment of a rational, responsible and conscientious management.

Two large online surveys were conducted among employees in Germany to explore the importance employees and organizations lay on aspects of interpersonal respect in relation to other work values. The first study (N1 = 589) extracted a general ranking of work values, showing that issues of respect which involve supervisors are rated particularly high among employees. The second study (N2 = 373) replicated the previous value ranking by and large. However, it is shown that the value priorities indicated by employees are not always matched by organizational practices. Especially respect issues which involve employees’ supervisors diverge strongly negative. Consequences and potentials for change in organizations are discussed.

Values are generally seen as intrinsic and enduring perspectives individuals hold throughout different stages of their lifetime. They indicate “what a person consciously or subconsciously desires, wants, or seeks to attain “. Work values represent these sentiments in applied settings, signaling what people strongly care about at their work place. Following this definition, work values are somewhat similar to the valence term in expectancy models of motivation and are thus believed to have a substantial impact on the actual behavior shown at the workplace. They encourage individuals to act in certain ways, affecting even such things as job choice. Whereas commonly work values are assessed as people’s preferences for certain objects or outcomes, such as job security, level of payment and others, we sought to integrate interpersonal respect in this list of more or less classic work values.

The first kind points towards the general acknowledgement of another human, an equal member of the same group, referred to as “recognition respect” or respect for persons. The second kind is directed at an acknowledgement of expertise or skill, referred to as “appraisal respect” or respect for work. These two kinds, although both named respect, are very different in their essence. Recognition respect is very similar to the kind of respect the philosopher Kant proposed. It follows a categorical imperative to respect other human beings by not only seeing them as means to an end but also as an end in themselves. In an organization this respect may show in supervisors who do not only focus onto the performance aspect of their subordinates but are also compassionate or understanding in a time of a private crisis on behalf of the subordinate. They acknowledge that all humans deserve to be treated in the same way that one would want to be treated oneself. Its essence is thus unconditional. There is no question if it is deserved or not. It is not about a personal appreciation or favoring but about following a clear set of conventions, which give people equal rights even though they are different. Research underlined this reasoning by confirming formal rules in justice issues as one of the antecedents of recognition respect.

Appraisal respect on the other hand points at an entirely different phenomenon. It is about the esteem one receives if one performs, if one masters a skill, or one accomplished things that set one positively apart from the rest. So, whereas recognition respect involves a message of equality, appraisal respect does just the opposite. It acknowledges positives differences and rewards them with status. This kind of respect does not draw itself from a general normative law instead it derives its legitimacy from the perceived object itself; it or its actions demand respect.

Thus in an organizational setting appraisal respect might show itself in a supervisor who acknowledges work or performance, may it be through spoken recognition, a promotion, or a raise in salary. Similarly, employees who state that they work for a supervisor they deeply respect is usually a sign of appraisal respect. Whereas in empirical research recognition respect seems to be a result of formal rule following, appraisal respect seems to rely more on the informal treatment in justice concerns.

The following list of work values were those that were posed to the respondents, which encompassed more or less classical aspects of work values usually investigated in companies (such as the original IBM survey later used by Hofstede, 1991; or typical values assessed by consultancies:

(1) having high job security
(2) having a high income
(3) having good career opportunities
(4) working in a job that is valued by society
(5) having enough leisure time besides the job
(6) working on interesting tasks on the job
(7) being able to work independently
(8) working on tasks which require a high sense responsibility
(9) having a lot of direct contact with other people
(10) being able to help others through the job
(11)working in a job that is useful for society
(12) having the feeling to contribute something meaningful
(13) working in a healthy work environment.
(14) working for a supervisor who appreciates my work
(15) working with colleagues who appreciate my work
(16) working with colleagues who treat me with respect
(17)working for a supervisor who treats me with respect
(18) working for a supervisor I can respect
(19) working with colleagues I can respect

As an article written by Dan Bobinski, CEO of Workplace Excellence, in Management Issues highlights, if managers and leaders will not model the expected behaviors for the workplace community, its unlikely the rest of the employees will have any regard for community standards, either. Behaviours equally ought to reflect a commonality of agreed values for the workplace, irrespective of what individuals espouse outside of work.  Relationship Management Institute endeavours to create a ‘plug and play’ culture that enfranchises all employees under a set of principles that offends no one’s personal beliefs but allows a common concordance of cordial collaboration culturally.